How to get Fired..

Advice You Can Live Without

If you came here looking for advice on how to stay employed, just do the opposite of everything I tell you here.

• Arrive late for work Being on time is for wimps. Drag yourself out of bed whenever you feel like it. Stop to run an errand on your way to the office
• Don't forget the coffee No not for your boss -- for yourself! You're already late so why not stop for a cup of coffee on the way to work? Don't forget to get a muffin or a roll too (crumbs on your tie look really good).
• Eat at your desk I mean your coffee and roll, not your lunch silly. Why would you want to work through lunch anyway? And take your time — you're in no hurry to start working.
• Take a long lunch An hour for lunch? Are they nuts? That can't possibly be enough time to get together with an old friend and run a few more errands.
• Have a drink What's lunch without a couple of beers? It'll relax you. So what if you smell like a brewery?
• Make personal phone calls If you can't make your phone calls from the office, when else will you find the time? Don't make those calls short and sweet -- chat away.
• Speaking of chatting... Let's not forget about the good old Net. You can go into a chat room any time of day, so why waste your precious personal time.
• Send lots of email Use those eight hours at work to take care of all that personal email. Oh and don't forget to use your work email address.
• Download, download, download... Your connection is much faster at work than on your home pc. And besides, there are some things you wouldn't want your significant other to see.
• Make the customers/clients really mad There are several ways to do this. If you deal with customers in person, ignore them while you talk to your co-workers. Don't have answers to their questions. If most of your contact is by phone, keep yours busy so clients can't get through. If they bother to leave a message, don't return their phone calls.
• Don't ever go beyond your job description Even when a project is down to the wire and your help is desperately needed, just remember: "It's not your job."
• Leave work early. Who made that five o'clock rule anyway? If you leave 15 minutes early think of how much you can get done before dinner.
• Party hardy Nights are made for partying. Don't worry — you can sleep late tomorrow. After all, you do plan to get to work late, don't you?
  

as published in about.com